It's Hard to Quit

I know I owe a long post or two about the hike, but this 80 mile ride is fresh in my mind. It's the longest ride I've ever done. Two weeks ago I was attempting to summit Kili, one week ago I was on a 36-hour, four-flight debacle home, today I battled the wind and heat of Easton Maryland. Today was the toughest by far.

I spent a lot of time on the mountain thinking about my red blood cell production. It's what your body does at altitude to compensate for the lack of oxygen. Every time the hike got hard, I reminded myself that I was producing lots and lots of super-oxygen-toting red blood cells. Unfortunately, your body only hangs on to them for about two weeks after you return to sea level. I was hoping I could still benefit during today's ride. Alas, no, my body got rid of them all already.

The other thing I reminded myself of on the hike was that I was doing this incredibly intense physical activity for six days with little rest between sessions. Each bit of the hike lasted between six and eight hours, then eat, sleep, eat, do it again. I knew the Ironman race would be 17 hours for me, but that when I was done I could sleep and rest for DAYS. Just keep pushing up the mountain, just keep pushing in the race.

Today I rode 54 miles, went back to my car to refuel and then back out for another 26. Those 13 miles out and 13 back were really, really hard. I tried to remember the mountain, I tried to remind myself that I wouldn't quit during the race, I tried everything to keep myself from going to that dark place inside that would allow me to quit. Nothing worked. I saw the sag driver and knew I was the last person out. Everyone would be waiting for me. I pulled alongside his truck and got off my bike. He asked me if I was ok, I said "no, I'm done". I nearly cried right there. That black space inside took over and said it was ok to quit.

Then something happened. I'm not sure what, but something else inside me woke up and without realizing, I said, "no, I'm not quitting. I'll finish." I got back on my bike and rode the rest of the way in. It was miserable, it was hot, I was uncomfortable on my saddle, I hated every minute of it, but I finished. I did all 80.

So, my lessons learned for tomorrow's ride? There's something inside of me that won't let me quit. Even when I am at my lowest, alone, hurting, miserable, I didn't quit. I need to find that spot a little earlier in the ride next time and capitalize on it.

Lesson 2. Take coke with me or put it in my special needs bag. I'm not sure what it does, but I had it after the ride and it made my stomach feel so much better.

Back on the wagon this week with Ironman training. Last week was jet lag recovery. No more excuses. We have training camp this weekend. 90 miles on the bike and a good long run/walk. Time to focus in on the positive, find the place that won't let me quit, buckle down and train.