How Do I Feel?

My friends planned a farewell/good luck dinner last night to wish Sally and I well for our race.  The emerging question became "How do you feel?"  I didn't have a ready answer for it, so they threw out some suggestions, none of which quite fit how I was feeling.  

Excited?  No. 

Happy?  No.

Nervous?  No.

Scared?  No.

Worried?  No.

Excited is reserved for something really fun.  IM will not be fun, it will be hard work.  The celebration after will be fun, but the race itself will be 17 hours of focused determination.

Happy is for birthdays and good news.  IM will not make me happy.  I'll be happy at my sense of accomplishment when I'm finished, but the race will be decidedly miserable.

Nervous is what I feel when I'm not sure what to expect.  I know what to expect for IM and I'm prepared to handle it.

Scared is what happens when you let nervous take over.  I'm ready for the race and won't let anything get in my way. 

Worried is not knowing how to handle a situation.  I've prepared plans and contingencies to handle the unexpected.

Well, what then?  After a few minutes I landed on eager.  I'm eager for November 20th to be here.  

Eager is being prepared for what lay ahead and ready to tackle any obstacles that get in the way of your goal.

Truly I'm ready for this race to be here.  I had to take a mental health night.  No workouts, no planning, no thinking about time cut-offs, no more prepping.  My brain hurts.

On a lighter note, I'm also eager for loads of other things:

-sleeping in

-eating whatever I feel like

-going out with friends

-drinking a glass of wine

-going for a fun bike ride

-not worrying about getting injured

-wearing cute shoes again

-using my car for people, not as a mobile locker room

-taking more showers at home than the gym

-not packing three bags every day just to leave the house

-not planning anything

-not buying advil in bulk at costco

-half as much laundry 

-wearing my new IM medal at work

Eleven days and counting.